we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
