oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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