you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
