Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
