It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
