I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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