OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
