She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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