god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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