I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
