Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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