last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
