I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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