sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
