This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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