Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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