Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
love makes seman taste better
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
