I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
