It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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