I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
