tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
