it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My liver just had a heart attack.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
