Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Farmville is her only friend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
