i was born a porn star she said
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
