Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
