He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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