dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
