I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
