sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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