Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
