o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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