Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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