wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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