They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
