Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
