I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
