I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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