you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
