you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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