i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
