3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
