Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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