I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
