do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
