jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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