i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
