I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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