I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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