Betty ford says i'm here all night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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