sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Im part way to drunk.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
