Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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