Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
