when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
