I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
