It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
