What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
