and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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