If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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