Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
