she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
