It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
