I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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