You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
