You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
