I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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