I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
