i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
