Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
