The brown eye won't let me do that either.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
