i just wanna soil my oats bro
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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