THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
