He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
