you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
